Sometimes I feel like I think so differently from the world around me. With adhd and bpd I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’m thinking short term but the feeling is overwhelming
In extreme emotional distress I call the SHL. This is one of those days. My actions have consequences to those that I have lost. I miss them and wish I told them how much my heart beats for them. Loving two people at once and losing them both in the process has made me start scream crying. I chose the friend that I love but I know that they will never love me back. But when I’m talking about loyalty… I can’t go after someone you had feelings for and is your best friend. I called the old SHL before my thoughts completely consumed me. I want punishment for making someone feel the way that I did. But I can’t cut or kill myself for my own actions. She told me that I need to make “Living amends”, to the next and so on. I am sorry, I love you but I’m no good for you in these circumstances. Live for yourself and I hope you find growth, happiness, and love like you deserve.
The top is my homestate. Michigan. Armed protestors against the stay at home order shouting in the faces of police because they want their haircuts.
The bottom is yesterday. Minnesota. More exact, Minneapolis. Miles from where I live. Protestors sitting while police show up in riot gear as they rightfully protest and demand justice for the murder of George Floyd.
I’m not the least bit shocked. But seeing the stark contrast from two places I’ve called home is so disappointing and infuriating that the racist system we live in allows for this and there’s still people who will say the protestors in Minneapolis were wrong. Just… I’m so angry the “land of the free” fails so many people. America was never the land of the free.
